Englees pleeze

Swami Gulagulaananda said:
"Horn, ok... pleeze!"

[In this post, I am making an attempt to mimic The Local Tea Party, which by the way, is not a site to be missed.]

This English no, it is a funny language. I know, I know you will say it is one old cliche. Look at that word, cliche. It is written like niche, but both are pronounced so differently.

Not to worry, I am not going to bore you with some good old lines that I ripped off a bunch of sites ok ma? I am going to talk about some experiences I myself had, and some experiences my friends had. Let me start with one that my friend had. It seems she and her fiance and some friends went to this restaurant somewhere in Bangalore. The waiter came and asked what you want? This fiance guy told it seems, 'Bring me one mohito...' Waiter gave one dirty look, then smugly told 'Saar, it's pronounced mojito'. See what happened there? Fiance was right in pronouncing mojito as mohito. But he seemed like an ass to that waiter fellow. Why means waiter must have thought 'What this fellow, looks smart and all, but he can't see that ja sounding letter j there in the middle or what?'

After listening to this story, I laughed a lot. But you know what? In my mind, this story was stuck. So next time I went to one pizza place with my friend. I wanted to eat this 'Tortillas', but I knew that the word is pronounced 'Tortiyas'. Now my problem started. I thought, if I say tortilla, waiter might think I am uneducated gorilla and say 'Saar, it's pronounced tortiya' with that sophisticated tone. And if I say 'Tortiya' with my sophisticated tone, he might use one bad word that ends with tiya on me. He might think I am blind. Can't see that 'll' in that word or what? Saw my predicament no? Whatever, I didn't want to risk it, so I called him and put my finger on that word and said 'Get me one of this'. I do the same when I go to a fancy Italian place too. I am not Super Mario no?

I like English, I found a lot of words exist to describe a thing very aptly, concisely, precisely. There are several loan words that serve the purpose well too. But loan words become groan words. Why means, I should remember that San Jose is to be pronounced San Hosay! And that jojoba also. I see all face cream and face wash advertising people no, they pronounce it as jojoba, but it is hohoba in reality. Sim-simply accent and all people put, but they will tell all words wrongly, then they will tell 'Oh, you got message no? Then what is your problem?' Some people also introduced some words like 'Grammar Gaandu' and all just to make it feel wrong to be right.

Ayyo, you think that is big aah? Ok ra, forget pronunciation. The other day, my college teacher asked some of us to evaluate some technical papers written by students. Govinda Govinda. What man, technical papers, they wrote words like coz (for because) and all. What they wrote on mobile or what? Bleddy, when you are writing some formal stuff you can't write properly ah? And that too words like awesome and cool were used left, right and centre. Just because you are some hip youngster punk, you write like that in papers about 'Transmission in dynamics analysis based on hypergraph-theory' or what? No no, don't worry, I just made that topic up, they did not write about that and all, but I am just making one point.

So my friends, I tell you all the following. This English no, it is a funny language. But just because it is funny, does not make it true that you also makes it funnier by writing badly. Why means, peoples who knows proper English will think you doesn't knows proper English. So try your level best to be proper. After all, being proper is a great property to has in peoples. Ok? Saw the beauty of this post aah? Irony I think they call it... Got it or what?

[This post is dedicated to my dear friend Gayathri Gopalaswamy with whom I shared a thousand laughs... about Bengaluru Banter]

Comments From Facebook

Sameera Bharadwaja H: I'm saring da! :D

Karthik Rangarajan: But you see, this isn't the funniness in the English language, its more to do with other language words that have found their way into the regular english verbage. Spanish doesn't ...See More

Nikhil Baliga: So says Karthik Rangara*h*an :P By the way, I didn't write about the standard 'funny' problems about English because that's something a lot of people have written about... Like plural of mouse is mice, but for house it isn't, etc.

Comments elsewhere:

Vidhathree: Englees is super da! N I din kno abt san hosay and hohoba. Jojoba lol

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Dude it is really too funny ... :) :)

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