Sunday, 11 July 2010

Vodafone customer care sucks!

Swami Gulagulaananda said:
"What's common between Vodafone call centre and Lord Brahma? Both think one day = a million years"

So, what's my problem anyway?
Vodafone customer care has been one of the worst nightmares that I had to face in recent times. What was the problem? I recharged my phone using netbanking twice, each time for Rs. 222. I have been doing these transactions before, and had not faced this problem before. Now, these fateful days, I recharged twice with a gap of a couple of days, and both times, I lost money from my account but my phone didn't get the money. When I called up Vodafone call centre, they asked me to go to the store, and they would fix it.

So, I did... I had to show them my transactions, which I did, and that guy at the store registered the complaint. Now, he was supposed to give the reference number (transaction number) and he put both numbers in the same text box field in the software. I specifically asked him if that was okay, or if he was supposed to give it twice independently, and he said that it was the same and it would be done. You should see all the assurances these people give oh-so-blatantly that it will fill you with confidence... only for the faith to be broken.

Needless to say, only one transaction got reversed with the other Rs. 222 pending with them. It has been over a month, and I am still calling them, listening to their sordid explanations, funny bits of things that they say for which I am thankful that they are on the other end of the telephone and not in front of me. They keep telling me that it will get fixed with 24 hrs, something that never comes, and hence the quote by the all-knowing Swami.

Some incidents that piss me off - Conversations with geniuses from Vodafone
For example, Vodafone tells me - Any transaction that was not successful will be reversed within five days... Now, Einstein, if that had happened, I would not have been complaining to you. The very fact that this had not happened is my grouse. Another call centre guy tells me that they don't have record of the transaction going through, and says that no recharge for that amount has happened. Wise guy, if that transaction had gone through, I would not have been complaining to them! This makes my blood boil. I don't know if they are pretending to be dumb, or if they don't have common sense.

Then another guy tells me that the number that Vodafone had specifically asked me to call if we have any problems (198) which is toll free is a number that is intended only to register complaints. For follow up, I have to call up another number that costs me. So, for Vodafone's fault, in an attempt to recover money that I have already lost, I have to lose more to attempt to get something that I might never get. And he says - Sorry sir, that's the way it is...

Another guy tells me to go to Rajajinagar when I asked him if there was a Vodafone Store near Rajarajeshwarinagar... Now just because they are close alphabetically, doesn't mean they are close geographically, does it? These people blindly type on their keyboards and respond with what is there on the screen. So, till Vodafone comes back to me with a fix, I thought of entertaining myself and others with some Vodafone quotes and jokes. So, here are some... Enjoy!

List of Vodafone quotes by Nikhil Baliga
  • What's common between #Vodafone call centre and Lord Brahma? Both think one day = a million years
  • The only thing slower than Indian police in Bollywood movies is #Vodafone call centre in real life
  • I asked Octopus Paul when #Vodafone would resolve my issue. He shrugged all eight shoulders.He can't see that far into the future apparently
  • Everyday I want to cry stay by my side - #Vodafone should change lyrics to this
  • ‎"Promises are meant to be broken" should be the #Vodafone call centre tag line instead of "Happy to help"
  • If it was Vodafone's birthday today I would have gifted them a clock and a calendar. One should give things that are useful but that which they don't already have
  • They should build a statue of me holding my phone next to Kanyakumari with her garland. We're waiting forever for #Vodafone and Shiva respectively.
  • You know you are licked when you are chatting with #Vodafone and you get BRB in your window
  • After finding my complaint with #Vodafone, scientists are dismantling the Large Hadron Collider. No need to find out what happened before Big Bang
  • Close your eyes, spin around and point your finger to an object. Open your eyes and voilĂ ! Congratulations! You are looking at object with more time sense than #Vodafone
  • Why can #Vodafone call centres never make good terrorists? Their time bombs will never explode on time they set... Maybe a couple months l8r
  • ‎#Vodafone's birthday is most likely on February 29th. They take more time than others for the same thing, and do only one while we do four
  • #Vodafone support centre would make the world's worst pizza delivery boys... Unless it was 30 days or free
  • A sportsman uses a stop watch, #Vodafone uses a stopped watch
Some more quotes and jokes will keep coming. Stay tuned!

No comments: