Swami Nikhilaananda wondered:
"Love is forever, or is it indeed?"
I was sitting alone, wondering how much he had changed over the years. He used to love me a lot. I can't believe someone can change so much with time. Time changes everything - mighty mountains disappear. Even the dinosaurs which once ruled the planet are nothing but fossil remains. We all grow old, don't we? I expected his love for me to grow with age. I feel it's so unfair.
I try to look at him innocently. Hoping my eyes will at least melt his heart. But looks like time has changed even that. Nobody understands my loneliness. Everyday he comes drunk and beats me, and if that doesn't hurt me he adds abusive language. My my, the words he uses... I wish I could say something back. I don't want to hurt him. I still love him. He's the master of my heart and soul, now, is he not? But I definitely wish he would change. He should understand that my silence doesn't imply my approval - of course I am not ok with it.
Well, God has given me a really strong head. I could use it - but I feel he's no match to me in that field. The game wouldn't be fair. I don't want to incur his wrath at such an old age. Well, I can kill him - but then such thoughts shouldn't be in my mind. Love should be pure. Like my heart. But I still feel he's being unfair. Time changes everything. He used to get me my food to wherever I was... He used to come looking for me - "Lakshmi Lakshmi" he would call out. Ahh the sweet smile he used to have, kissing on my forehead all the time. Now I have to fend for myself. He gives me nothing. I have to spend my nights in the cold, earlier he used to get me a special blanket he had made himself. Where did all that love disappear? Ah time changes everything. Just because he can't get much work done from me, doesn't imply that he can beat me and push me around. I am old now, frail... I can barely stand at times. My bones are showing - he still doesn't care. He should understand. He should not be drinking, it makes his thoughts to change rapidly, blocking his conscience. I want to tell him what I think about him, but I am sure he simply won't understand. I get frustrated at times, makes me want to shout - Moo